A Rational Dragon Warrior's Tale
This is the story of the NES game Dragon Warrior, retold in the style of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, which itself is an excellent story you should also read. Many things about the Dragon Warrior game are simply absurd, and will, I hope, be corrected in this writing.

Chapter 2: The hero finds out how much stuff costs

Posted: 2/6/11     "How much for a sword?" I asked, exasperated.
    "Quality? 1500 gold. You want something to practice with? Say, a little less then two hundred." said the shopkeeper patiently. The sign above the door was plain enough, a rectangle of metal with a sword shape hammered into it. The man behind the counter had come from the forge, making me wait while he finished something in the back. As he stepped behind the counter I saw his arms were twice the size of mine and I began to feel a little bit intimidated. Then I brightened, I was the inheritor of destiny! This man would not intimidate me, even if it did look like he could break me in half very easily. There were no other patrons in the shop, and quite honestly it was easy to see why. Not much merchandise adored the space within the doors of the so called "weapon shop", leading me to see the Dragonlord's hand in this, as well.  "How much do you have? Maybe we can make a deal."
    I hesitated to tell the man the king himself had sent me on my quest, as he did not want the Dragonlord to find out he helped me and this man could very well be working for the Dragonlord himself. I did, however, feel it safe to confide that I was the living relative of Erdrick in the hope that the man might be willing to part with something more readily if he knew. After all, no one likes their boss, especially a man like the Dragonlord, so even a minion of his might be inclined to help overthrow him if he knew the conclusion of the prophecy was imminent. After all, the Dragonlord would know I was after him soon enough, now that I had gotten started! However, his reaction was not the one I expected. He laughed.
    "Oh, you and my great uncle." he chuckled, "just like the last three guys we had in here. Don't suppose you've got his Token on you, do you?"
    I was stunned. "What are you talking about? Others have claimed the title before me?"
    "To score a sweet little piece of as- I mean a better deal on a sword? Sure, like I said, the last three people in from the castle said the same thing, since about a month ago, I guess."
    "What happened to them?"
    "Dead, I expect." he said, scratching himself. "Never saw them again, anyway."
    I shuddered and thought, what was I in for? Though, they may have just been saying that to get better prices, like the man said, and then skipped town. "And this token you mentioned, what's that?"
    "Something Erdrick had made that would prove his rightful heir I guess. I've heard about it, never seen it of course. I'm not his great, great grandson or whatever, now I am?" he laughed all the harder.
    "No, I don't suppose you are." I said dryly, the pieces coming together for me of the king's behavior, and that of his guards. They had obviously heard the story before! But why hadn't my parents told me about the Token? I thought to myself. That would have made things so much easier!
    He leaned his arms on the counter and motioned me closer. "The rumors say that king's daughter, Princess Gwaelin, knows where the token has been hidden, that knowledge handed down to all royal ladies since his death."
    "I didn't see her at the castle, I'll have to go back. Though someone said something about finding her, so maybe she's playing hide and seek, so it's not a good time right now. How old is the princess, anyway?"
    "Hide and Seek?!" the man exclaimed. "Good lord man, she's at least your age, the princess isn't a child! Where have you been these past months? She was kidnapped by the Dragonlord ages ago!"
    "What? Kidnapped?" The Dragonlord seems to be on the ball, not what one usually expects from evil dictators. "What about the queen?" I asked, dreading the answer.
    "Killed in the attack by the Dragonlord, I'm afraid. The king isn't getting over it, ether, from what I hear of castle talk. I guess he's about given up."
    I stood and pondered for several seconds. The princess, kidnapped? The queen, dead? No wonder the king looked as he did. And there I stood, cocky as anything, telling him I was the solution to all his problems. I felt… ashamed. The clatter of a weapon being banged on the counter repeatedly startled me out of my reverie.
    "Oy! You want this sword or not?"
    "Well, I don't have nearly two hundred gold coins," I said, exasperated. "At least, I don't think so. Let me count it." I did so, coming up with a total of 120 coins. "And a good sword costs fifteen hundred?" I asked, aghast. "I would need a trunk full of gold coins to buy that. I might as well just drop the trunk on anything that threatens me, it would be heavy enough!"
    "Assuming you could lift it." the man said, looking at my arms.
    I ignored the comment. "And that doesn't even begin to cover armor too, which I'll certainly need."
    "To fight the Dragonlord, you're going to need Erdricks armor, if you can find it, and his lost sword, and a decent shield, and some luck. But don't let all that stop you, some leather armor would get you started." He put the sword back behind the counter again and brought out a heavy looking wooden club. "Here's my advice: Buy a club to get started. There's a guy in town selling Dragon Scales on the sly, even though the Dragonlord has made them illegal. Tell him "a rainbow shall make a bridge" and he'll sell you one for 20 gold. Beat up some slimes or whatever to make some more gold, then come back here and buy the leather armor. Repeat, buy a sword. Range further afield, beat up some more lucrative monsters, buy better stuff, repeat until you've got the best. How about that?"
    "What's a single dragon scale going to do for me, and what's up with that passphrase?"
    "Just a little ditty we came up with," he said, shrugging and not making eye contact. "These Dragon Scales have been enchanted, they'll absorb a little of the damage should you get hit. It's not as good as armor, but it's cheaper."
    My eyes lit up. "I should save up and have someone make a set of armor out of those!" I exclaimed. "A shield as well, if he had enough. Think about it!"
    "I… don't think it works like that." he hedged. "Anyway, do we have a deal?"
    I hefted the club. It would have to do, so I handed him 60 pieces of gold.
    "Wait a second, how is fighting slimes going to help me earn money?"
    "Were you born yesterday or something? The monsters are made by the Dragonlord, of course. That's where they all came from! You think we had a plague of slimes around the castle before he showed up? No. He uses gold and turns it into creatures, that's why he needs so much of the darn stuff. But beat the monster, and it turns back into the gold he used. Naturally, the tougher the monster, the more gold that went into making it, and the more you earn by beating it."
    "What a fantastic system." I said. "I can become a better fighter and get rich at the same time just by beating up the monsters around the castle. Brilliant! Thanks, you've helped me out a lot. I'll be back for that armor soon!"
    "Yeah, whatever" the man grumbled as I went out the door with the club on my shoulder, to find a man with a dragon scale for sale.